Bored of "The Ring"

Ehren Kruger (no relation to Freddy) showed a genuine gift for suspense and character in 1999's "Arlington Road", but his efforts since then ("Scream 3", "Reindeer Games") have been disappointing. With "The Ring", Mr. Kruger adapts the 1998 Japanese film "Ringu" which spawned two sequels and was itself based on a novel. Admittedly, Mr. Kruger gives it the old college try. But there's no saving the fact that the film simply has a silly premise: you watch a videotape that contains about 4 minutes worth of creepy imagery (though it's nothing compared to a Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson video). When the tape is done, your phone rings. When you pick on the phone, a girl's voice says "seven days" - meaning, you have seven days to live. And sure enough, exactly seven days later your dead body is found doing an impression of Munch's "The Scream".

Okay, where do I begin to mock this plot? What if you watch the tape twice, do you get three and a half days then? If you fast forward through it do you get fourteen? How about pausing it to go to the bathroom? Or only watching half, getting bored and turning it off? Not to mention the obvious: don't answer the phone! This is the stuff of urban myths and certainly with Mr. Kruger's background, he recognizes this. He gives us an effective opening scene, which is itself an homage to "Scream" that the rest of the film never matches. And then Mr. Kruger has the unenviable task of explaining all the goings-on in the film. Obviously, with a premise like that one, no amount of explanation is going to suffice, and the more and more he tries, the more the film loses its grip on reality and therefore any real scares.

Aptly-named director Gore Verbinski turns out to be surprisingly adept in presenting unsettling imagery and atmosphere considering his credits include "Mouse Hunt" and "The Mexican". Perhaps more kudos should go to cinematographer Bojan Bazelli whose work on "Pumpkinhead" and "Body Snatchers" no doubt came in handy. Regardless of their pedigree, however, both men are working in top form to give Mr. Kruger's script far more dignity than it deserves.

The cast, led by Naomi Watts, also invest their all in the story. After David Lynch's elliptical "Mulholland Drive", Ms. Watts (sort of a working class Nicole Kidman) proves she can carry a film, though I'm not sure which of these two movies made more sense. Young David Dorfman takes the Haley Joel Osment role as the obligatory boy who knows too much. And Martin Henderson gets by on a smirk as the skeptical boyfriend.

In the end though, there's really very little to like about "The Ring". The film is eerie for the sake of being eerie. The plot holes are so many and so frequent that the mind buzzes, and you walk out not feeling frightened but bewildered. And of course there's that nagging notion that the premise itself is just plain idiotic. I suppose the scariest part of the film is the fact that I paid to see it.