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Apocalypse Ow

The world is ending yet again, and this time it's because the planet is melting at the core. The ancient Mayans knew that Earth would cease to exist in 2012 (not really, as it turns out, but shh) yet government officials couldn't be bothered to explore such things or warn the people of their imminent demise. They were too busy mastering the art of being totally useless.

This is essentially the premise of "2012," the latest ridiculous apocalypse movie from hack writer/director Roland Emmerich ("Day After Tomorrow," Independence Day"). While the film contains eye-dazzling special effects -- courtesy of a bloated $265 million budget -- it's nothing short of horrendous. It may be cool to watch buildings fall like dominoes and to witness the Sistine Chapel implode, but the film clocks in at an "are-you-kidding-me?" 2.5 hours, and much of that is surprisingly low on action.

When mass destruction isn't reigning supreme, there's a whole lot of tedious filler involving a failed novelist (John Cusack), his estranged wife (Amanda Peet) and their two irritating kids. On the political side, there's a government-advising geologist (Chiwetel Ejiofor) who warns the chief of staff (Carl Anheuser) and president (Danny Glover) of the world's coming expiration. Oh, and let's not forget the crazy prophet (Woody Harrelson, this time not hunting for Twinkies) who broadcasts his conspiracy theories on the radio.

Emmerich obviously isn't seeking brownie points for originality or, gasp, effort, but would it kill him to make a halfway decent movie? Every line is more baffling than the last (writer Harald Kloser is also to blame) and the dramatic tension is nonexistent. "2012" is a long, lackluster exercise in bad filmmaking, featuring an occasional massive tidal wave or out-of-control fire beam. It's like a drawn-out Playstation 3 challenge without any of the fun. Game over.