Big Picture Big Sound

We don't watch the Oscars to be surprised. In reality, we don't even watch them to be satisfied. Like auto racing or boxing, people watch the Oscars for that occasional break from the predictable, when a star goes into a tail-spin and crashes into the rail. While few stars spun-out last night, with the exception of a stumbling Jennifer Garner, there was one notable "Crash" at this year's awards, but not much else to speak of.

The 2005 Oscars were the most sluggish in recent memory. The theme might have been "a return to glamour", but the vibe was more "same old same old". From Jon Stewart's tenuous opening monologue (Angelina Jolie adoption jokes?) to that rote Dolly Parton performance which was more about her facial work than the song itself, the Oscars limped along like bloated dinosaur that it is.

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The Oscars team constantly makes remarks about how they're going to trim down the show. But what did they do differently this year? Thankfully, they did away with the failed experiment of having all nominees stand on stage for the "smaller" awards. But that's about it. Do they really see no other way to streamline the event other than rudely turning off the microphone during the one moment that the night should be about - acceptance speeches? Let's face it, the only reason this year's show ran short was because there were only three songs up for an award. Imagine two or three more of those performances.

What bugs me the most about performing each original song isn't the obligatory interpretive dance that comes with the territory, it's this: you don't show each movie during the Oscars, so why do you play each song? Obviously, you're assuming we've seen all the movies, so just assume we've heard all the songs. There, I just saved you twenty minutes right there. And those three montage sequences? Come on, guys. (This led to one of Stewart's best jabs: "A montage devoted to montages").

Speaking of Jon Stewart, hey, I love Jon Stewart. He's a great "Daily Show" host, but he was a little out of his element hosting this event. Not since David Letterman has it seemed so clear that the host of the show needs to be an entertainment insider, not a wisecracking talk show host. Some of Stewart's best humor involves subtlety, which simply doesn't play to an audience of millions. After a shaky opening, Stewart loosened up later on when he was able to ad lib more (see the above "montage" gag). Overall, he wasn't a bad host, he just wasn't the right person for the job.

The awards themselves started out predictably enough with George Clooney (yay!) and Rachel Weisz (oh well) taking home the supporting awards. Then we ambled into Documentary short, Animated short, Sound, Costumes, and on and on. I have nothing against these awards, but if they really want to include them in the show, they've gotta be willing to trim other places. Finally, when the MPAA President came out, it seemed that the Oscars might be beyond saving.

Then the evening got a boost of energy from two grand dames (and no, one of them was not Judi Dench). The Honorary Oscar introduction "performed" by Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin was everything it should have been - simultaneously humorous and informative while paying tribute to the recipient himself, Robert Altman. The wonderful Ms. Tomlin and the indomitable Ms. Streep played off each other with overlapping, seemingly stream-of-consciousness banter that echoed the best of Altman's work. They were having a blast and it was infectious. It only brought to light how uninspired most of the evening's presenters were. Mr. Altman himself accepted his award with blustery grace, mentioning a heart transplant and remarking that in reality he really made "one long movie". Let's hope it continues for a long time.

Perhaps bolstered by these proceedings, the Oscars then kicked it up a notch by awarding Best Original Song to "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from "Hustle & Flow". Then, when "Crash" and "Brokeback Mountain" took home Best Original and Adapted screenplays, respectively, the Best Picture category horserace heated up even further. Typically, the Best Original Screenplay award goes to the "runner-up" for Best Picture, but with both contenders taking home screenplay awards, it seemed the big moment was still up for grabs. When Jack Nicholson, managing to ham it up for his presentation, announced, eyebrows-aloft, "The Oscar goes to…'Crash'", the place erupted. And rightfully so. I liked "Brokeback", but I loved "Crash". And if one movie had to be chosen, I'm glad it was that one. During a show when everything seemed to be telegraphed, who would have thought it would end with a bang? Or, at least, a "Crash".