Big Picture Big Sound

"What is this 'saving movies' thing? Something's playing, you go."
- George Costanza, "Seinfeld"

What is this obsession with 'saving movies'? You know, this pastime of being roped into seeing a specific movie with a specific person because they "called it". What is this, fourth grade?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love movies. I go to movies every chance I get. But I cannot abide by this need to save movies for people. Especially in New York City where going to the movies can be a chore in and of itself; the lines, the sold-out shows, finding a seat that doesn't require an immediate chiropractic visit. If I have the opportunity to see a movie, I take it. If I'm with or in the vicinity of a friend who's also interested, terrific.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen that hangdog look and heard the phrase "aw, you saw it without me? I wanted to see that!"

We're not talking about Halley's Comet here, people! It's a movie. If you want to see it, go! I can call up Mr. Moviefone and find a time for you in the next ten minutes, I promise. And if you miss that, it'll be at Blockbuster in a month or two. I've had people so mad at me that I had to go and see the movie again with them just to get them off my back.

What's this need to make movie showings a big social event? Plus, once you invite one person, it never ends. You're stuck. You become "Julie the Cruise Director": "Well, I can't call Ted without calling Alice, and if Alice is coming, Bob and Carol need to come." Soon you've got enough people to stage a play let alone see a movie. Then there's the fun of looking for an empty row to seat your little team outing.

To quote Seinfeld again, "how does sitting next to a person in a movie theater increase the level of enjoyment?"

I know some people, probably more than I would even imagine, who will not go to the movies alone. I can't figure this one out either. Now I understand people who won't go to restaurants alone (though I don't have a problem with it), but the movies? Is it the feeling of walking in and out of the theater alone that frightens them? Do they think the other patrons are looking at them thinking "aw, that poor soul has no one to sit and stare at the screen with…let's go sit next to him."? Do they have flashbacks to the images of Pee-Wee Herman alone in a porno theater?

I've always wondered if these same people have trouble watching television alone. Or even surfing the web alone. How about reading the newspaper? It's the same thing. You're taking in and processing stimuli.

I'll go even further, I think people should embrace going to movies alone! This would certainly cut down on the amount of talking from that couple behind me (for more on this, see "Silence is Foldin"). What's the old saying, "you have to be a friend to yourself before you can be a friend to others"? Go to the movie alone! Be your own best buddy.

I know what you're going to say; that "it's the experience of going to the movie that counts", that you're sharing "the experience". What is this "experience", exactly? I've seen a lot of movies and, to me, it's just looking at a bunch of pictures in a big screen. That's it. No talking, no interacting. That's all.

Perhaps in the future when the internet and film industries collide, movie-going with be more interactive but right now, in 2006, it's not. You sit in a theater and stare at a screen for two hours. That's it.

Yes, I enjoy the experience of speaking about movies with other people (sometimes ad nauseum), but we can still see the movie separately and then talk about it together. How about over dinner, or coffee, or a drink, or a walk in the park? Now there's an interactive activity.

So next time I see a movie without you, don't get mad at me. Look at it this way, if the movie stinks, I just saved you ten dollars.