Big Picture Big Sound

Sexless Mistress

"The Last Mistress" is based on Jules-Amédée Barbey d'Aurevilly's 19th century novel that, for its time, was a scandalous examination of sexual intrigue within the aristocracy in France. Specifically, it concerns the marriage of a young virgin to a notorious womanizer that is currently involved in a ten year sexual affair with a vixen. The situation is viewed partially through the musings of two well to do senior ladies with clearly nothing better to do, one of whom is the young bride-to-be's grandmother. The grandmother seems confident that her granddaughter will be quite able to hold her own. Her friend is not so sure.

When dashing libertine Fu-ad Aît Aattou (Ryno de Marigny) chases and catches the young, beautiful and virtuous Hermangarde (Roxane Mesquida), his long term lover, Vellini (Asia Argento) is certain that she can retain his love and more importantly his services. Vellini is the wild, bad girl from Spain that is alternately described as unattractive and irresistibly alluring. She has a love-hate relationship with everyone, but the love part easily burns hottest in the direction of Aattou. When he tries to separate himself from her by taking the hand of Hermangarde, Vellini steps into overdrive in order to retain her man. She needn't have expended all of that energy. Aattou is as happy as a pig in mud to play both ends of the stick.

Argento is the only strong presence on the screen. Everyone else is reduced to scenery, including de Marigny. When Argento is on screen, there is at least a reason to watch because there exists the possibility that something of interest might occur. When she is not on screen, we'll call it a snoozefest. There are scenes of their illicit trysts that are passionate. Other scenes are borderline laughable for all of the posing and phony lust and emotion.

I get that when this was all new it was a big deal. In today's world it is so tame that it could play on daytime television and not necessarily on cable. For me, a period piece must be more believable than "The Last Mistress" is. I'm sure that many will disagree with me and tell me that it is a great work of art. I like art as much as the next guy, and even frequent art museums on occasion, but if you are going to show me art for art's sake then add a dash of excitement or emotion in order to prevent me from yawning incessantly. When a film dedicated to showing the heat of forbidden 19th century France cannot garner any more sexual energy than this, it's a sad day for heat, mistresses, France and the cinema.