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Mars and the Real Girl

When I first heard that I had drawn the assignment of a Disney flick named "Mars Needs Moms", I was not all that enthused. While Disney can churn out some great stuff, they also throw some clunkers out there. Then, I heard that it was based on a book by Berkeley Breathed, the creator of "Bloom County". In the 80's, "Bloom County" took a spot next to "Doonesbury" as a great commentary of life in America. He later followed up with "Outland", before I lost track of his work.

"Mars Needs Moms" is nothing like "Bloom County". It's a straight forward kiddie endeavor where every manipulation is timed to perfection to elicit the proper reaction of fear, surprise, sadness and/or happiness. However, it will probably work well for your younger children. You might have trouble paying attention, though.

Eight-year-old Milo is a brat who likes to mouth off to his mother. In "Bloom County", the young man was also named Milo, but he was a tad more advanced in both age and behavior. Mars, it seems, needs moms because every 25 years hatchlings pop out of the planet's surface and no one is capable of rearing them. The solution is to spy on Earth and grab mommies against their will. Milo sees his mom getting abducted and stows away on the Martian spaceship.

On Mars, Milo sets out to rescue mommy before the evil Martians can suck what is needed out of Milo's mother's brain, before they execute her at dawn. Milo meets a grown-up human boy who went through a similar fate years earlier, and together they try to save Milo's mom. Milo's friend is supposed to be funny, but he reminded me of a character in a bad John Candy movie.

The look of it all is standardly excellent Disney. All marks are hit in the story line. It just all feels so packaged and deliberate. The result created an unease in me, as I waited for each inevitable moment to occur.

The bottom line is that "Mars Needs Moms" will make lots of cash and will entertain your kids, but the enjoyment is not one that you will be able to share with the little tykes. Sit there quietly, content in the knowledge that it will end and that it's only one afternoon of your life, and hope that the next Disney outing offers more to the parents.