"Grey's Anatomy" star Patrick Dempsey continues his meteoric rise to the middle in the joyless romantic comedy retread, "Made of Honor". In the film, Dempsey plays Tom, a man bent on stopping his one true love from marrying another man. If this story sounds familiar, it should. In fact, there is precious little here that hasn't been done (and done better) a thousand times before. Like its title, "Made of Honor" is a poorly conceived pun of a film that makes little sense and has no point.
We first meet Tom in college, sneaking into a dorm room for a tryst. More than a little inebriated, he mistakenly stumbles into egghead art student Hannah's bed. Caddish Tom and bookish Hannah clash. They engage in what is meant to pass for witty repartee. She criticizes his nose. He admires her honesty. (Sparks are supposed to fly, but the only real magic here is the digital retouching needed to make Dempsey look 22.)
Fast-forward ten years. Inexplicably, Tom and Hannah (Michelle Monaghan) have become best friends. Tom appears to have it all. He's handsome, successful and happily bedding the loveliest ladies in New York. Hannah works at the Met, but her main job appears to be as Tom's platonic female friend and ego prop. When Hannah goes away on a business trip to Scotland, Tom realizes for the first time how much he relies on her friendship. Unlike Hannah, none of the beautiful, vapid girls he dates can order him an interesting dessert. Nor do they appreciate antiques shopping. (These traits, apparently, comprise the bedrock upon which their friendship stands.) In her absence, Tom decides he's in love with Hannah and vows to pop the question upon her return.
But of course, there is a wrinkle. Hannah returns with a strapping Scottish nobleman (Kevin McKidd) on her arm and a ring on her finger. She's announces she's getting married and moving to Scotland. In two weeks. To make matters worse, she asks Tom to be Maid of Honor at her wedding. He agrees, if only to sabotage the wedding from the inside. As can be expected, hijinks ensue. Aided by his clueless but well-meaning male friends, Tom struggles to carry out his Maid of Honor (or "MOH") duties. Between making gift baskets and helping Hannah shop for lingerie, Tom attempts to undermine the wedding. Instead of any insight into gender roles, there are some lazy jokes about Tom's sexuality, half-hearted sight gags and…ugh…juggling.
Once the action moves to Scotland, the cheap jokes continue as every Scottish cliché and stereotype is mined for all it's worth. They talk funny! They wear kilts! They toss cabers! They're stuffy and old-fashioned! As the time for the wedding draws near, the story lumbers along with increasingly ridiculous plot devices and leaps of logic to reach its predictable conclusion.
Even taken as escapist froth, "Made of Honor" falls far short of the mark. As the reformed lothario, Dempsey tries his best to be Prince Charming, but his transformation from commitment-phobe to doting suitor makes little sense. Neither does Hannah's fondness for Tom, in light of his reprehensible treatment of the women he beds. Monaghan attempts to give some life and spark to Hannah, but the character comes off as profoundly flaky, if not a little stupid. Sydney Pollack and Kathleen Quinlan (playing Tom's father and Hannah's mother, respectively) are added in an attempt to class up the joint, but are largely wasted in this mess. With all the eye-rolling "Made of Honor" is certain to induce, not even the attractiveness of the film's stars and the picturesque beauty of the Scottish scenery can make up for the ocular strain.
