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The Death Cheaters

Reviewing genre films is a tricky business. On the one hand, it could be argued that a straight horror film could never be considered worthy of a rating of 3 or 4 stars. After all, even the best of the best, such as "Halloween", pale in comparison to "The Godfather". Of course, the other side of the argument is that it's unfair to try to rate a genre film in the broad context of all movies, but it should be considered based on its place amongst its peers. They need to be graded on the curve - and the real question that needs to be asked is 'did it do what it set out to do?' With that in mind...

"Final Destination 5" makes not even the faintest pretense of advancing, revising or altering in any way the established formula of the franchise. A bunch of young folk narrowly escape death courtesy of a precognitive moment. Death, feeling cheated out of its prize, comes to get them one by one and, based on the gruesome manner in which they get executed, Death is pissed.

If you think that means that this is a burnt out re-tread of the first four (four!) movies, you would be right. The good news is: you won't care. The artful simplicity of the set-up, which is kind of perfect for a horror movie, means that the barest minimum of time is wasted on such encumbrances as plot and character, leaving all the more screen time for the franchises' signature gruesome, original, and frequently physics- and physiology-defying deaths. Also, not having an actual killer to deal with frees up the filmmakers to explore the seemingly limitless ways in which people can find themselves, crushed, shot, mangled, impaled, skinned, burned (with both acid and fire), beaten, and bled, during the simple act of walking down the street. Throw in a gymnast - one of the most Rube Goldbergian scenes - and a guy who works at a paper manufacturing plant - c'mon! - and the possibilities boggle the mind. Oh, and this time they've brought 3D to the table. Somewhere Steve Miner is cheering.

In his feature-film debut, director Steven Quale shows that he paid attention while working with James Cameron for all of these years, managing both the action sequences and the tension-building set-ups perfectly. They are several moments where, having telegraphed the impending butchery, it's genuinely worth considering averting your eyes. Additionally - thanks again Mr. Cameron - Quale owns the 3D. Where the obvious tendency would be to have pitchforks and the like thrust at the audience, he generally takes a slightly more subtle approach, which succeeds in creating an immersive experience. Of course, he occasionally succumbs, but when your screenplay gives you a truck full of rebar, who could resist?

Established horror re-writer Eric Heisser ("A Nightmare on Elm Street" and "The Thing") also deserves a great deal of credit for keeping things clipping along. After an opening segment that could easily be the high point, he actually cranks it up further, wasting almost no time on unnecessary exposition. He gives the audience exactly what it wants. Death after death after death. And kudos to him for the unexpected ending that not only brings everything full circle, but also explains the odd presence of the StarTAC phone. People who aren't already familiar with this franchise may not get it but, seriously, will they be in the audience for this one?

The only real problem with "Final Destination 5" is the acting. While the bar is set pretty low for these types of films, the lead actors, including Nicolas D'Agosto ("Fired Up!"), Emma Bell (TV's "The Walking Dead"), and Jacqueline MacInnes Wood (TV's "The Bold And The Beautiful"), are so wooden that its actually distracting. Fortunately for them, they are working alongside Miles Fisher ("Superhero Movie"), who is so god-awful that he makes them look good by comparison (see earlier comments regarding grading on the curve). Sure, he looks a bit like Tom Cruise, but that is definitely where the comparisons stop. On the other hand, the supporting turn by the maestro of menacing, Mr. Tony Todd ("Final Destination"), is a nice touch and Courtney B. Vance, bless his heart, plays his plot-point part with the seriousness of a man who smells an Oscar in each role.

In spite of some weaknesses, fans of the horror genre will enjoy "Final Destination 5" immensely and leave the theater, paradoxically, with big smiles on their faces. For anyone else: your premonition was correct, you've boarded the wrong flight.