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Fantastic Bore

The problem with the new "Fantastic 4" is that it's not a movie. Nothing about director Josh Trank's film feels fully realized and fleshed out. No, this is not a movie. This is a filmed checklist of origin story clichés and tropes, an idea of what should happen in this kind of movie.

Hollywood's desperate need to reboot movies is getting old because how many times can we see the same story told? "Fantastic 4" goes full-reboot. We start in a classroom where an outsider genius kid presents his class an idea for creating a machine that can teleport things. He is laughed at. Check. One kid befriends him and finds out maybe he is on to something. Check. A friendship blossoms and they team up to create something special together. Check, check.

The brain behind the teleporting machine is Reed Richards (Miles Teller). He is laughed at by most but his loyal friend, Ben (Jamie Bell), stays by his side. They have built a machine that has proven to successfully teleport toys but it's time to try it on a bigger scale. Their machine catches the eye of Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey, the ribs-slinging confidant from "House of Cards"), who wants to expand on what they created.

Reed is taken back to Dr. Storm's laboratory and meets his two children, his biological son Johnny (Michael B. Jordan) and his adopted daughter, Sue (Kate Mara). Along with the moody Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell), they work to create a machine that can transport people into an entirely different dimension. Things are successful until Reed calls Ben one night to join him, Victor and Johnny on the machine. Things go awry and nothing will ever be the same. Check.

The young team of thinkers now has strange new powers they must try to learn how to use (if you're still keeping track, this is another check on the superhero, origin story checklist). Reed can stretch very far, Ben has Hulk-like strength, Johnny can set himself on fire and hurl fire at an opponent, and Sue can make herself invisible. Victor didn't come back because he fell into some green stuff. Enter Mr. Doom.

As "Fantastic 4" marches on to its inevitable - and shockingly anti-climatic - showdown, things feel very choppy and episodic. Writers Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater and Trank segment the entire film, losing any chance of tension for the audience. Reed and his friends are scared when they have their new powers but we never really get a chance to see them adapt and how this will change their lives. All of a sudden we are a year in the future and things seem fine. Once the film hints at drawing you in, it immediately takes you out.

Trank has a cast of fine, charismatic actors in "Fantastic 4" who are wasted individually and in their group dynamic. Teller is one of the brightest young actors working today, already trademarking his fast-talking, swaggering attitude into something enjoyable in every movie. He is so distant and uninterested here. It's hard to say if this is a bad performance or if Teller was bored with the wooden dialog he was given to say. I wouldn't blame him.

Even after a great deal of buzz regarding production problems, "Fantastic 4" is allegedly getting a sequel. In a film this stagnant, that's really the only threat it has to offer.