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Better Left "Untold"

I'm told a good summer read is something easy, short, that you can bring to the beach and not think about too much or even care to finish. It's to pass the time, it's a little entertaining, it's something you probably won't be able to recall once you are five minutes into the next summer read.

Despite the season, if you like a summer read, and are looking for the cinematic equivalent, "Dracula Untold" fits the bill, though it's far from the perfect summer read.

Vlad the Impaler, aka Dracula, is certainly handsome enough (Luke Evans), but he only has his shirt off in a handful of scenes, like Fabio (a summer reading mainstay), let alone like a themed float in a gay parade (a la Tarsem Singh's "Immortals" or Zach Snyder's "300").

For anyone who disdains the summer read, sorry, not much here for you. "Dracula Untold" is strictly plot driven. A plot that is strictly linear with absolutely nothing going in at the edges - so, no need to worry about anything going on at the IMAX other than Evan's swarthy brow and the legion of bats at his command. There's virtually no character development outside of Vlad. Vlad himself has as much depth as a boy scout extra from "Dobie Gillis". He's a kinder dad than his own, who won't hand his child prince to the Turks to fight in their army. Even the impaling thing attests to his strong moral center: for each battalion that suffered this fate, he was saving ten others. Aww.

So, this film can be put in good company with so many other recent action films, like those in "The Hobbit" or "Thor" franchises, for lack of any nuanced pathos as all other aspects of the film become a slave to the plot. What distinguishes "Dracula Untold" from its peers? Uninspired fight scenes, nothing as cool as a firebreathing dragon or an automaton, and a story that is so limited and simplistic, you get a far richer read of Dracula's origin story watching the first seven minutes of 1992's beautifully flawed "Bram Stoker's Dracula".

"Dracula Untold" isn't good or bad, it just sucks time. To round up or round down on a rating? I have to round down for the fact that the studio was able to take time to focus its attention on something: its checklist for an easy money grab on the International market: Expunge Muslim/Christian dichotomy from the Turk/Romanian dichotomy at the center of the conflict? Check. Expunge nudity? Check. Expunge gore? Check. Expunge anti-hero complexity and moral struggle from - of all the iconic, tortured characters in the culture, for God's sake - Dracula? check! Clearly set-up the sequel (blow kisses to the inspirational "The Amazing Spider-Man 2")? check!

Check, please.