Any werewolf movie needs to deal with that pesky issue of transformation. Vampire movies have it easy; a set of fangs here, a widow's peak there and you're done. But how exactly does a human being change into a wolf ? Or at least something similar to a wolf (as films like
"Van Helsing" have started to use the term very loosely). The unfortunately-named "Blood and Chocolate" attempts to do for werewolves what Anne Rice did for vampires. But make no mistake about it, for all its high-minded talk of prophecies and "chosen ones", this is just your average (very average, in fact) werewolf movie.
But these aren't your grandfather's werewolves. Gone is the quaint bone-crunching, stop-motion animation of "An American Werewolf in London" and its ilk. No, the werewolves in "Blood" transmutate via a kind of gymnastic somersault CGI affect that the filmmakers are obviously quite proud of. And they change not into some form of man-wolves, but into actual wolf-wolves. So, basically, this species has magic in its DNA. Naturally, this being a PG-13 affair, the transformation follows strict "Incredible Hulk" guidelines: the pants and nightgowns stay on - even though, oddly, when the creatures revert to human form they're naked. The wardrobe bills alone would be enough to make any species bloodthirsty.
The lazy script co-written by Ehren Kruger (
"The Ring",
"Skeleton Key") and Christopher Landon from the book by Annette Curtis Klause, follows Vivian (the oddly bland Agnes Bruckner) a chocolatier (hence, I suppose, the title) living in Romania who happens to be one of a subculture of werewolves who, from what we can tell, hang out in abandoned buildings jumping from rafters. Vivian herself enjoys jogging, throwing in the occasional leap off the wall just to show us that there's something special about her. In fact, when she first appears on screen, there's an audible sigh on the soundtrack (that might have been the sound of my interest being sucked out of the room, I'm not sure).
Vivian meets-cute with the improbably-named Aiden Galvin (Hugh Dancy, Galahad from
"King Arthur"), a graphic-novelist doing research on, wouldn't you know it, the lore of the
Rougarou (a fancy name for werewolves, look it up). No sooner do Vivian and Aiden start gamboling about downtown Bucharest than the head baddie - named, natch, Gabriel ("Unfaithful" heartthrob Olivier Martinez) - shows up to claim Vivian as his own.
If you're not bored yet, you will be. Not only does director Katja von Garnier assemble a cast almost entirely lacking in charisma but the script is full of corkers like "May you recognize the age of hope when you see it," "What we're not is what we're taught to fear," and my personal favorite "If you cared about me, you'd have left me before we ever met." I spent more time thinking about that last one than the whole rest of the movie. Mr. Kruger is usually good for a few laughs, but he's slumming it here with expository nonsense like "It's…silver!" and "Creeks…lead to rivers!"
"Blood and Chocolate" threatens to do for Romania what
"Turistas" did for Brazil. By the end of the film, it appears as though Bucharest is peopled almost entirely with werewolves - you can tell because they have this way of bowing in which they reveal their jugulars as a sign, I suppose, of respect. The film is too slow, the characters too bland and the plot too convoluted to reach the heights to which it aspires (and with a pedigree like "from the creators of
'Underworld'", it doesn't aspire to much). In the end, "Blood" only succeeds in mimicking the beasts it holds so dear: it bites.
