In "Jupiter Ascending", Mila Kunis stars as Jupiter Jones - an ordinary girl who dreams of escaping the drudgery of her life, cleaning houses and sharing a cramped Chicago apartment with her extended family. Little does she know, she's actually space royalty. She's a Recurrence - a genetic duplicate of the former matriarch of the powerful Abrasax clan. As such, she's set to inherit to quite a bit of interstellar property, including the planet Earth.
When they somehow find out about Jupiter's existence, it doesn't sit too well with the rest of the Abrasax heirs, Balem (Eddie Redmayne) and his siblings Titus (Douglas Booth) and Kalique (Tuppence Middleton). Earth is a valuable resource for the family business - manufacturing a life-extending elixir made from human DNA - and our overpopulated planet is juicy and ripe for the picking.
To save Earth and stop Abrasax, Jupiter must make her claim. She's aided by a bounty hunter named Caine Wise (Channing Tatum). Caine is a genetically-engineered "splice" - part human, part wolf (and part albino?) - with a penchant for wearing eyeliner. A romance blossoms, or would, if Kunis and Tatum hadn't been saddled with some of the most awkward romantic dialogue in recent memory, including discussion of Jupiter's "royal bowels."
The dialogue throughout the film is consistently excruciating. Even a pro like Sean Bean, playing a bee splice named Stinger, can't sell clunkers like "bees don't lie." In some cases, the delivery is even worse than the line. Oscar-nominated Redmayne (for "The Theory of Everything") gives a performance so hammy, he should have an apple in his mouth. As Balem Abrasax, he goes from a mumbled, raspy whisper (as if the act of speaking is beneath him), to psychotic, screaming rage and back again in a heartbeat. Let's hope the Academy cast their votes last week.
Aside from a clever homage to "Brazil" (featuring a cameo by Terry Gilliam) and Kym Barrett's costume design, there really isn't much in "Jupiter Ascending" to recommend. The Wachowskis show no restraint when it comes to visual effects, which is both interesting and exasperating. Action scenes are messy, overlong and incomprehensible. It's almost too much to take in, leaving the audience in an over-stimulated daze. Perhaps the movie would benefit from a pause button. Or a bottle of Tylenol.
| Movie title | Jupiter Ascending |
|---|---|
| Release year | 2015 |
| MPAA Rating | PG-13 |
| Our rating | |
| Summary | Equally eye-popping and eye-rolling, this sci-fi spectacle from the creators of "The Matrix" is ultimately a must-miss. |
