The Film
"We learned a couple of things while trapped in that house: 1) Never walk into a house made of candy; and 2) if you're going to kill a witch, set her ass on fire."
Who knew that Hansel and Gretel were such a pair of bad-asses? Apparently, the good people at MTV and Paramount.
Yes, MTV Films, the same people who brought you Pootie Tang and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never thought it was a good idea to make Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters into a movie -- a 3D movie! Of course, the studio has put together some good films. This is not one of them. It doesn't really matter if it's crappy though, because it made a boatload at the box office.
It starts off familiar enough: After mom and dad dump the kids in the forest, Hansel and Gretel (Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton) happen upon that candy house. Oh, the deliciousness! As the two begin to chow down, well, you know the story. If you thought the fractured fairytale was creepy, imagine it with all sorts of super-cool special effects.
The two spend the next 15 or so years offing witches and amassing a crazy arsenal of weaponry. The film would actually be an awesome guilty pleasure if it weren't so freaking awful. It tries to be funny and sexy, but fails on both counts. It does have an insane amount of carnage, but even that gets lame after a while. Maybe a bit of more of a backstory could have shaped this franchise. Yes, there's another one of these coming at some point. We have to wonder where Hansel and Gretel got their training, their weapons, and their accents (they don't have them!). Instead, Renner looks as bored as the audience.
Oddly produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is just bloody awful.
If you want to get the full bedtime story, check out Lora Grady's theatrical review of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.
The Picture
Hansel & Gretel doesn't have a lot of actual candy, but there certainly is a ton for your eyeballs. This is an MTV joint, so it's as slick as a high-production music video. It's got a ton of a lot of super-sharp imagery -- sometimes too sharp for its own good. At times, the special effects are laughable, but this 2.35:1 image uses 3D technology nicely. Expect plenty of pop-outs, including bubbles, embers, weapons and of course, witches.
The Sound
Paramount has packed Hansel & Gretel with a Dolby TrueHD 5.1 track that's filled with creepy crawlies right off the bat. There are plenty of critters chirping throughout the soundfield and every bit of the action packs a punch. The film's soundtrack is pretty full as well, even if it only creates a bit of cheesy ambience.
The Extras
Final Thoughts
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters tries to be cool and even a little comical. It's laughable all right -- but not in the way it's intended to be. The image is pretty excellent in 2D and 3D and it's got a fun audio track to match. Unfortunately, even with all of the eye (and ear) candy, this movie still bites.
Product Details
Where to Buy:
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